St. Louis

As both teams fought hard to the end with nobody being the clear victor, NFL fans realized such drama is possible in nearly every soccer game ever played.

For many St. Louis residents, Christmas came early this year when the Cardinals held their first and last "Free Sleeveless Tee Night." Unfortunately, fans could not stay calm for the mesh, 100% polyester Cardinals tee, sparking riots.

"To be quite honest I'm done playing," Wood said. "On the off chance that maybe a year from now I change my mind I can see myself pitching for St. Louis. That's it. They've always done a great job resurrecting careers."

The prognosis from Los Angeles Angels team doctors is as worst feared: 1B Albert Pujols has been officially pronounced “Dunn for the year,” as in Chicago White Sox 1B/DH Adam Dunn.

“When a client changes jobs it is customary to let us know,” said a BALCO spokesman. “We have been sending Pujols’s HGH supplies to St. Louis on schedule for the past 10 years, and Albert didn’t fill out the ‘new employer’ form. It looks like he is off the juice; no wonder he sucks.”

After the Cubs took their second game of a three-game against the Cardinals Tuesday night, team President Theo Epstein could be seen kicking his feet up on his desk and drinking a tall Sam Adams.

Any doubts Albert Pujols had that the Cardinals were harboring ill-will toward him after he left the team for the free agency millions of the Angels, were erased when he opened his mail Monday morning and discovered his 2011 World Series ring had been shipped to him on the middle finger of a cadaver’s hand, on dry ice in a Cracker Jack box.