Tigers

“I thought presenting that much food in front of such a plus-sized man was foolproof,” said Epstein. “Apparently Detroit offered him a car made out of butter or something instead.”

"I guess people in Tuscany must be like 80 pounds or something," he said. "That's the only explanation for these tiny booths and portions fit for a child. I don't care if the waiters are wearing ties or the doorways are arched -- I want more damn cheese-covered noodles."

An Inge family friend has disclosed that for the eighth consecutive year Brandon Inge was the highest-rated player and top pick in the Inge family fantasy baseball league for 2012.

The Detroit Tigers defeated the Chicago Cubs in seven games. The Curse of the Billy Goat was placed on the Cubs before the start of Game 4, when Cubs fan Billy Sianis was asked to leave the stadium because his pet goat's odor was offending nearby fans.

Loyal Tigers fan and outspoken Brandon Inge critic Lesley "Les" Kowalski is running an ad in the classifieds looking for fans who have sat in section 216 of Comerica Park from 2004 to 2011 to validate his claim that he was the first to publicly denounce the once popular player.

After coming to spring training with a bodybuilder's physique and stating he will do anything to stay with the Tigers, Brandon Inge made some enemies in his first day on the job as equipment manager by misspelling star slugger Miguel Cabrera's name "CABRERROR" on the back of his jersey and mis-numbering second basemen Ramon Santiago's jersey "E4."

Should Inge's move to second not pan out, Leyland said Inge was open to any spot on the 2012 squad, even if it meant the fan favorite would be inserted into the role of beloved Tigers mascot Paws.