Indianapolis

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“It’s so annoying,” said Eli during a press conference Thursday. “Peyton gets all of this attention because of his stupid neck. I have a neck too! I can get hurt too! You watch. I know I can get hurt."

"Here I hoped this was finally my moment to shine," said Eli. "But then Dad comes along and steals my thunder. It's always something with this family."

"While we all wish Manning a speedy recovery from what must be a very painful neck injury, fantasy owners who have Manning on their team need to know how to deal with their own pain in the neck," said Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay.

“We were simply a mess in game 1 against the Panthers,” said Manning with a sigh. “No third down conversions, linemen flying around like chickens with their heads cut off, a grand total of 36 yards passing. I’m over it. Let David Carr play the rest of the preseason. I’ve got better things to do. I’m going to watch my brother’s highlights.”

During a recent interview with Barbara Walters, Archie Manning revealed that despite having fathered two of the best quarterbacks in recent history, he only really loves the son that wins the Super Bowl that year.

“If I would have had a qwerty phone and not an old piece of crap, this would not have happened,” said Hildebrand. “I was so busy trying to find a damn letter I totally lost focus and put it into the wall. Who the hell spells their name with an ‘x’ anyway?”