ConAgra to acquire Cubs’ farm system
Conceding that their farm system is incapable of producing anything of value in baseball terms, the Cubs have sold the entire system to ConAgra, the North American behemoth food production company, who will turn the operation into a working farm.
Bears hammer Bolts
Bears fans with Super Bowl hopes were able to take a sigh of relief after Friday night's 24-3 spanking of the Chargers. Unlike the previous preseason game, both the defense and quarterback Rex Grossman actually seemed like they were familiar with the game of football.
Cubs Sweep Astros
Fifteen hours before his start Wednesday, Cubs pitcher Ryan O'Malley couldn't get Triple-A hitters out. He brought his 7-7 record to the big leagues, where he managed to pitch eight scoreless innings in a 1-0 victory over the Houston Astros, completing a three-game sweep for the North Siders.
Bears break camp at Bourbonnais
The Chicago Bears eagerly wrapped up training camp in Bourbonnais Wednesday, and now the team heads north to prepare for its second preseason game Friday against the San Diego Chargers. Despite visiting Bears fans giving the town of Bourbonnais rave reviews, the players couldn't wait to jump into their cars and head back to Chicago.
Baxter busted taking shots near the White House
Former Chicago Bulls forward Lonny Baxter was arrested Wednesday by Secret Service agents after attempting to pop a cap in the White House's ass. Shots were fired from a white SUV driven by the chunky 27-year-old at the intersection of 17th and I Streets in downtown Washington D.C., only two blocks away from the White House. It is uncertain whether the gat was squeezed by the ex-University of Maryland standout or his passenger, 35-year-old Irvin Martin.
Brown downplaying another injury
With the season opener less than a month away, Bears Pro Bowl safety Mike Brown will not be in the backfield for the foreseeable future after injuring his right Achilles' tendon during Friday night's loss to San Francisco. Some fear the injury to be serious, but Brown has downplayed what he calls a "twinge."
Sox crown Royals
Coming off their sweep of the suddenly mortal Detroit Tigers, the Chicago White Sox are looking to close the chasm between themselves and the division leaders this week with a peaceful, easy series at home against the lowly Kansas City Royals.
