White Sox

In an effort to improve his roster without adding payroll, White Sox G.M. Kenny Williams has pawned his team's 2005 World Series trophy to free up more cash to sign an athletic center fielder.

In an effort to outshine media hype surrounding the NHL Winter Classic on the North Side, White Sox officials proudly announced U.S. Cellular Field will host this year's Winter Classic Demolition Derby.

While Cubs fans were shoveling in negative temperatures or rubbing elbows with Mike Fontenot at the Cubs Convention, the White Sox signed a combined 525 pounds of pitching, avoiding arbitration with closer Bobby Jenks while inking Bartolo Colon to a one-year, incentive-laden deal.

An overdressed White Sox fan was kicked out of this weekend's 2008 SoxFest for wearing sleeves, a major faux pas in Sox Nation. Joe Malonecki refused to honor the event's dress code and insisted on wearing a shirt with sleeves, rather than the preferred wife beater-style. Malonecki blamed a simple misinterpretation for the mistake.

After failing to land a player bigger than Nick Swisher or Octavio Dotel so far this offseason, Sox general manager Kenny Williams was expecting to receive his share of criticism, complaints, and pent-up aggression from South Side fans at this year's SoxFest at the Palmer House Hilton. Fortunately for all involved, Pale Hose fans have mellowed out since winning the World Series in '05, and no injuries were reported from the convention.

After reading a New York Times report that Jose Canseco offered to leave Magglio Ordonez's name out of his next tell-all book if Ordonez would financially support a movie endeavor of Canseco's, Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has decided to bankroll the film completely.

The White Sox continued their off-season acquisitions of old, questionable middle relief on Tuesday, stealing 35-year-old Octavio Dotel--who had his last good season for the Astros in 2003--for two years and $11 million.