White Sox

In a surprising move that will have far reaching statistical and historical implications, Major League Baseball has decided to officially change the name of receiving three strikes in an at-bat from "strikeout" to "DunnSwing."

“For the safety of our residents, we have closed all Chicago bars and alcohol-serving restaurants in the anticipation of Miguel Cabrera in town,” said Emanuel. "This city is in enough trouble as it is. We can't risk the sort of physical damage an intoxicated Cabrera could do after another late-night bender."

From a washed-out Len Kasper to a blurry Tony Campana, The Heckler presents the most egregious Cubs and Sox error cards.

In a bold move aimed at picking off North Side fans, the White Sox have dropped the “We’re All In” slogan and replaced it with a more aggressive “Not As Bad As The Cubs™” mantra.

Not only will the stands at Arizona’s Chase Field be filled to capacity this Tuesday, but so will the dugouts. Bud Selig announced today that every active player in baseball is on call for the Midsummer Classic.

"Apparently there's a new strikeout competition and they want me to be a part of it," said Dunn. "I'm not real sure how it works, but just to be picked to participate in the All-Star weekend is a real honor."

The White Sox organization's aggressive “Paul Star” promotional campaign resulted in record levels of fan participation this week, but an unfortunate error in the vote tallying led to the wrong Paul being named to the American League roster.