White Sox

"Say what you want about Adam Dunn and how he struggled at the plate last season, but he does one hell of a Jim Carrey impersonation," said A.J. Pierzynski, an avid fan of Carrey's movies. "Just the other day he, right as Robin was walking up to address the team, yelled, 'Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!' We were all rolling, but Robin wasn't too happy.

Earlier this week, the Oakland A's swooped in and basically stole coveted Cuban sensation OF Yoenis Cespedes, who accepted a four-year, $36 million deal. Of the teams apparently interested in signing him (the Cubs, White Sox, Marlins and Tigers among them) the Athletics were the surprise winner.

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After the White Sox ended their disappointing season early last year in October, Hawk Harrelson was mentally distraught and has since sunk into a severe state of what doctors are calling "Sox-chosis" as his team's prospects continue to look bleak.

"This will be an ideal way to see the city, plus, I figured we'll be out of the playoff hunt by March 30th," said an excited Konerko. 'Working out all winter, my swim is down to 45 minutes, my bike is at a steady 95 minutes and I think I can get my run down to 13 days."

After being responsible for two game-changing turnovers in Sunday's NFC Championship loss, 49ers WR and PR Kyle Williams has at least one defender in his father, White Sox GM Kenny Williams, who pointed out that his son might have cost the Niners a chance to play in the Super Bowl, he himself has done far worse, especially in signing Adam Dunn to a four-year, $56 million contract last year.

After fumbling a pair of punt returns to seal an NFC Championship loss to the Giants, 49ers WR Kyle Williams joined his father, White Sox GM Kenny, by derailing a franchise for the second time in less than a year.