White Sox

After more than 40 days of effort, competence and making contact with the baseball, White Sox DH/1B Adam Dunn completed his Lenten promise to not suck for the entire religious season. Now that the Christian holiday season has ended, so has Dunn's pledge.

Miami Marlins skipper Ozzie Guillen has apologized after several comments made this week. Guillen told the media that he is very sorry for his remarks, in which he professed love and admiration for Fidel Castro and “respects him for staying in power for so long.”

White Sox play by play announcer Ken "Hawk" Harrelson found himself defending comments he made about the 2012 squad.

“I’m learning all kinds of great stuff in these classes that's going to help me turn this team into a contender,” Ventura said. “Important things, like how to set goals. After all, as [management guru] Peter Drucker says, ‘If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up somewhere else.' Or wait ... was that Yogi Berra?"

The unwritten rules about never making disparaging remarks about nails, hair or Anderson Cooper while in the establishment were apparently lost on the White Sox catcher. Pierzynski was reported last seen running from the nail salon sobbing uncontrollably with several small scrapes on his face.

In a secret sandlot outing featuring a bus full of local junior high students, Peavy was shelled in only three innings of work. His 84 mph fastball was the cause of three broken windows and the skulling of 91-year-old Minnie Ripast, who was hanging clothes in her backyard.

“I’m ecstatic about the potential for this show. The 2012 White Sox roster has all the elements already in place for comedic gold,” Apatow stated. “I mean, look at it, you have a rookie manager taking over a team that’s made up of an almost all-rookie bullpen, old and slow players and, of course, Adam Dunn. How many times did he strike out last year – like a thousand? It’s going to be hilarious.”