Chicago

"I expect huge things out of Jay this year," he said. "I mean, the guy can hand off the rock with the best of them. Or at least as well as most professional quarterbacks not named Mark Sanchez. Of all his fumbles, maybe only two came on an exchange with Matt Forte."

"We're talking about people who were on blogs and Facebook pages after every single game, complaining about [Blackhawks goalie] Corey Crawford," said Jerry O'Brennan, a CPD spokesman. "But then, suddenly, they all up and vanished a couple weeks ago. Whether it coincides with Crawford's stellar play is not the issue. The concern is that we've lost up to 1,000 citizens, no matter how annoying or wrong-headed they are."

Once vilified and shunned by the city of Chicago for his role in the 2003 NLCS, reported sightings of ousted Cubs fan Steve Bartman have become more frequent than a 2011 Carlos Marmol blown...

In a shocking move that rattled Bears fans across the country, five-time Pro Bowl wide receiver Brandon Marshall was traded to the New Jersey Jets for a package of five weeks of Green Bay fans making fun of Bears fans for only getting a fifth-round draft pick for one of the best wide receivers in the league.

“You know, I just did what any other good-headed, I mean hearted, citizen would do in that situation,” said the 45-year-old Buck, with the plane’s tire marks still just barely visible on his alien-like cranium.

"It gets cold in Chicago? Seriously?" Cubs VP of Ballpark Operations Carl Rice. "Hmm. We had no clue."

Did you know Corey Crawford has five testicles and Brad Richards is a birther? You do now.