Chicago

“As my butler was conducting my annual spring cleaning, we noticed three Jumbotrons collecting dust in my basement,” McCaskey stated. “I decided to save one for my grandchildren’s video games and have the other two hooked up in the stadium. It sure beats those old rust buckets we had in there before.”

"This Jonathan Toews and Ryan Kesler rivalry goes back to a Sainte-Marie Quebec Cub Scout popcorn fundraiser in which Toews sold 16 tins of caramel corn to Kesler's 12 cheddar cheese blend."

Following yet another multi-overtime victory, the Chicago Blackhawks are putting a new twist on the popular #MyPlayoffMoment campaign, urging fans to share a picture or video of the exact moment they went into cardiac arrest while watching the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs.

"Although many people in Chicago stayed up to watch the game, we realized that nearly 78% of all viewers in Anaheim turned the game off and went to bed shortly after the first intermission ended," NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said. "We just can't have that. So with that in mind, we have decided to begin Game 3 at 7 a.m. PDT on Thursday."

"Listen, we all know that I love shin pads," Shaw said at a press conference. "And typically you'd want to score with a hockey stick. But last night I learned that, as cool as it might look, you can't just headbutt goals and hope for them to count."

The Cubs traded Welington Castillo to the Mariners today and immediately called up seven catchers to replace him on the big league roster.

“Jimmy is the key to us winning this series, but he's gonna have to go the full 48,” said Coach Thibs. “Hell, if I can find a way to squeeze 50 or 60 minutes out of him during regulation, I’m going to do it.”