Cubs

Fresh off his trade from Pittsburgh, new Cubs pitcher Tom Gorzelanny exceeded all expectations Tuesday night, throwing a gem as the Cubs beat the Reds 6-3 and maintained their first-place tie with the Cardinals.

Cubs closer Kevin Gregg forgot this weekend he no longer plays for the Marlins, blowing a pair of saves against Florida while thinking he was throwing batting practice to his former teammates.

Charlie Wainright figured he was just being a good boyfriend when he agreed to skip Monday night's Cubs game in favor of watching the season finale of "The Bachelorette" with his live-in girlfriend Sandy Smith.

In an attempt to cash in on the popularity of Dos Equis ads featuring "The Most Interesting Man in the World," Old Style has launched an ad campaign depicting Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee as "The World's Least Interesting Man."

The Cubs have named pitcher Sean Marshall their new left fielder after he played one-third of an inning there Sunday night.

Nobody else in city is worth sending

The first half of this season has been so bad for both the Cubs and White Sox that MLB has rescinded its policy that every team be represented in the All-Star Game. Instead, President Barack Obama will be Chicago's lone representative at the Midsummer Classic in St. Louis when he throws out the ceremonial first pitch.

In order to honor the accomplishments of Major League Baseball's last superstar not yet caught in a performance-enhancing drugs scandal, Commissioner Bud Selig has created a new award.