Cubs

“If anyone asks where my four championship rings are, I’ll just say they were lost in a fire," the Cubs hurler mused.

Last week, announcers from coast to coast participated in the inaugural Altoids Announcer Figure Skating Championships. Representing Chicago were Steve Stone paired with Ken 'Hawk' Harrelson and Len Kasper paired with Bob Brenly.

The Cubs are openly seeking a replacement for Paul Friedman, Wrigley Field's public address announcer for the past 16 seasons. One interesting candidate who used a popular career website to apply was former second baseman and minor league manager Ryne Sandberg.

After completing three months of conventional anger management training with a psychologist last fall, Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano was further advised by his faith healer to visit the calm and cleansing desert.

Cubs marketing wizard Wally Hayward anticipated a herd of eager fans practically throwing their hard-earned cash at his ticket sales force when single game seats went on sale this morning, but instead all he got was the sound of crickets. A few fans lined up early but by the middle of the afternoon crowd control staffers outnumbered fans buying tickets at the Wrigley box office. Those trying to buy tickets online or over the phone reported far shorter wait times than previous years.

While Cubs fans huddled in the cold for their annual late-winter ticket-buying spree, they were greeted by a familiar, yet unexpected face.

All Cubs fans know their favorite team is run by Tom Ricketts and his siblings Laura and Todd, but few remember the forgotten brother Pete who surfaced this morning at Wrigley Field where he was seen waiting in line for 2011 single game tickets which went on sale today.