Hendry purchases pitching machine to fill out rotation
With the loss of Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner, the Cubs were sent scrambling looking for rotation replacements. General Manager Jim Hendry ultimately decided on purchasing a BATA-2 pitching machine off Amazon rather than risk another minor league arms.
Prince Fielder still expanding, baffling scientists
Despite depletion of resources throughout the globe, Prince Fielder, one of the largest mammals in the Western Hemisphere, appears to be getting larger, baffling scientists.
WikiLeaks shocker: CIA uses ‘Go Cubs Go’ to torture terror suspects
The latest bombshell WikiLeaks release revealed the United States CIA regularly uses the Steve Goodman anthem "Go Cubs Go" to torture suspected terrorists.
Inflated Wrigley Field attendance figures include seagulls, vendors
“If you think about it, seagulls are pretty self-aware,” said Wrigley staffer Lester Fitz. “I mean, they could leave if they wanted to. We count them because they chose to be here.”
Tivo’d Cubs game spoiled after Southwest pilot announces final score without warning
Cubs fan Bob Benson was livid Tuesday evening when Southwest Airlines pilot Ralph Kearney welcomed the plane’s passengers to the Chicago area ... then inexplicably announced the Cubs had just defeated the Diamondbacks in a 6-5 nail biter.
Heckler Stats: Professional Crying Leaders
The Miami Heat and Danica Patrick currently register the most tears/second among sports personalities.
Illiterate Opening Day posts by Sox fans make you want to quit Facebook
In response to their team's 15-10 victory over the Indians on Opening Day, Sox fans have put forth a unified effort to make you want to exit out of Facebook.