Cubs

"It seems like our guys only really show up for the opener, for whatever reason," said Mike Quade who said he got the idea after Monday's makeup game victory over Colorado. "So we'll just keep playing only the first game of each series for the rest of the season."

Cubs outfielder Marlon Byrd returned to baseball this week after getting hit in the face with a pitch last month in Boston. During his first minor league rehab game for the Triple-A Iowa Cubs, Byrd got hit by another pitch, this one in the back. It was just another in a long line of ignored warnings from the baseball gods that Byrd immediately leave the sport.

“A fun work environment. Zero accountability. Giant salaries. This company has it all,” gushed Crain’s reporter Paul Jenson. “Honestly, we could have awarded them the top spot based solely on GM Jim Hendry still being employed there.”

The people around Sandberg can see how pleased he is to be part of an actual baseball organization with a solid foundation and a winning tradition, instead of the Cubs, who focus on giant macaroni noodles and finding C-list celebrities to sing the seventh inning stretch.

Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley has been banned from calling into Chicago sports talk stations due to his high volume of daily anti-Cubs rants, prompted by a recently unleashed hatred for the Cubs and boredom only a month after retiring from the city's top post, which he held for two decades.

"Following this monumental defeat of the Cubs, that now gives the White Sox a five-game all-time advantage, I'm relieved we can all name our club the better of the two in this seemingly never-ending struggle," said White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf.

In the fifth year of his eight-year $136 million deal Cubs left fielder Alfonso Soriano has been leading the team in home runs, is near the top of the Cubs RBI list, and has been playing better defensively, but apparently he’s missed the one thing he learned to embrace his last first years in Chicago: booing.