Bulls

The Clippers, off to an abysmal 1-10 start this season, have signed first-year coach Vinny Del Negro to an eight-year contract extension, the team revealed Monday.

The NBA has become so overrun by tattoos that at least one player's child was recently born with a sleeve on its right arm.

Die-hard readers of The Heckler might have noticed it's been about eight weeks since we published our last issue. The Heckler's supposed to be monthly and eight weeks sure ain't monthly. So, yeah, we're a little off, but there's a reason: Our new web site. We totally relaunched theheckler.com and you should check it out if you haven't already.

The team is still looking for more ways to distract fans at the United Center during stoppages in play, saying the incredible number of things they already have planned is just not enough.

After reeling in prized free agents LeBron James and Chris Bosh during an epic off-season, the Miami Heat began their historic run to a winless season with an 88-80 loss to the Celtics in Boston.

After his new team's disappointing regular season debut loss to the Celtics, LeBron James remains convinced the team's head coach Erik Spoelstra is actually a balboy.

NBA Commissioner David Stern announced the league was planning to begin the regular season "sometime soon." The commissioner spoke at a press conference via Skype from his beachside hotel in the Bahamas.