Bulls

"Man, I love that flick," said Rose. "It used to just be my secret, but now the whole world knows."

While many fans in attendance at Wednesday night's Hornets-Bulls game enjoyed Will Ferrell's offbeat player introductions, some of basketball's elite minds weren't the least bit amused.

“It's going to take me a while to recover from spending a weekend at Dennis’s house,” said Gibson. “I shouldn’t even call it a house. Because it’s more like a bordello. We did talk about actual basketball rebounds once. But since, according to Dennis, the key to rebounding is confidence, that just lead to a lot of drinking.”

The Bulls were forced to cut short a team meeting Wednesday after the many players found themselves unable to concentrate due to "disrespectful celebrations" of the patrons at a suburban Chuck E. Cheese restaurant where the meeting was being held.

Since signing with the Bulls for $80 million over five years, Carlos Boozer has been eager to show Chicago he has been worth the money. Unfortunately, due to poor defense and gym bags supposedly scattered about, Boozer has not lived up to the hype.

Making his debut in a Bulls uniform, Carlos Boozer dropped 31 points in Tuesday night's 118-97 thrashing of Phoenix, despite playing only the first three quarters. Boozer went on to do nothing and just sat there in the fourth quarter, which seems to be Tom Tibodeau’s plan for his starting big men this season.

“I managed to track down Christopher Nolan’s phone number,” Thibodeau said. “It's one of the perks of being a famous media personality. He politely declined my offer to play the role of the Joker in his new movie, so I had to take it up a notch.”