Bulls

Fans are angered by this miscue, but Bulls players are excited to see what Pete can bring to the court and their pocket books.

"Aw man, it's a great thing," said Rose. "They've been with me since day one, and now here I am, getting this great contract and changing my last name to Adidas. It just feels like this is the way it should be."

“Let’s not forget what the All-Star Game is all about," said Stern. "It’s a showcase for our league’s finest athletes to nurse hangovers, hog the ball, launch ill-advised shots, stand around on defense, and throw alley-oop passes off the backboard to themselves.”

Comcast SportsNet will air a four-hour behind-the-scenes documentary commemorating Joakim Noah's triple-double Wednesday night against the Bucks.

"I don't know how the entire arena found out about the huge new bong I bought last week," said Noah, mistaking his 13-point, 13-rebound 10-assist stat line for his new double barreled, three-foot marijuana water pipe he's affectionately been calling "Triple Double." "I'm really freaked out. Do you think I can get arrested?"

After Saturday's embarrassing loss to the cellar-dwelling New Jersey Nets, tempers were boiling over as players left the building. The now 25-8 Chicago Bulls seem to have a grasp on this season. Aside from a couple injured starters, this roster doesn't skip a beat. But even the well-oiled machine of Tom Thibodeau can hit a pothole, just like every other driver in Chicago.

"Think about it. I might do a little finger roll that barely touches the rim. I might go to the left hand. I could go off-glass. I could do a head fake and then dink it in. Maybe I take off from the free-throw line. I could bring in Scal to throw me an alley-oop lay-in. The possibilities are endless."