Bulls

In Monday's game against the Orlando Magic, Coach Tom Thibodeau not only earned his 100th victory, but he also earned some fan points when he put in crowd favorite Brian Scalabrine with a 20-plus-point lead and 23 seconds left in the game.

Starting next month, the DMV will require all prominent sports celebs in Chicago to take the following courses: Proper etiquette in running from your crashed Lamborghini, avoiding immovable steel objects while you are concussed, and not punching cab drivers in the face 101.

From the Bitter Cutler to the Zero Wisemen, enjoy these refreshing Chicago sports-themed drinks this St. Patrick's Day!

"Hey everybody, look at me! I'm greener than the Chicago River!" the Bulls big man exclaimed. "They even said they're gonna play me for an extra two minutes in the 4th quarter on Saturday ... unless the outcome is still in doubt, of course."

With Rip Hamilton back in the waiting room of his doctor's office, the Bulls rallied quickly in order to stay on top of the Eastern Conference. This morning team President and Chief Operating Officer Michael Resindorf flew on a private jet to Voorhees Township, N.J., and is currently meeting with Pervis Ellison about a possible return to the NBA.

"We paid nearly $1 billion for the lowly Cubs and their dumpy stadium," said Ricketts. "So what's $29 million for a huge mansion that clearly needs a little work."

“I'm just tired of playing basketball here all by myself and need to move out of this place,” said Jordan. “So I would like to give the opportunity for someone to play me in a game of HORSE, and if they beat me, I will give my home away free of charge.”