Bulls

Derrick Rose is fed up with the way some employees in the city are serving his food order.

Coming off his best performance of the season and stealing an ineffective Derrick Rose’s minutes down the stretch against the Heat, C.J. Watson wasn’t finished. He followed up the Bulls overtime victory by stealing Rose’s girlfriend and proclaiming himself to be the “surrogate father” of Rose’s unborn child.

After missing Tuesday's game with an ankle injury, a clearly excited Derrick Rose told reporters that he is now just one body part away from getting "Injury Bingo."

In order to keep Hamilton ready for LeBron James and the Miami Heat, Bulls GM Gar Foreman has announced Rip will be playing with an NBA approved, full body, armored suit.

Bulls mascot and fan favorite Benny the Bull will have to miss out on entertaining the fans during home playoff games. Benny is set to undergo surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff, suffered from abuse to his shoulder after repeated half court shot attempts. Assuming Derrick Rose is healthy for the playoffs, back up guard John Lucas III is set to fill in as Benny.

“I wave the towel, pat guys on the bottom and even tell Boozer to guard someone," said Scalabrine. "I am all about team. If stuffing me into a cannon and exploding me across our home court into a small netting can gives us an edge … I'm all for it!"

"I normally keep the hours of a vampire," said Scalabrine, covered with extreme burns on 50% of his body. "I figured I could make a beeline for my car during lunch today, but the sun proved too much. I could actually smell the flesh burning as I returned from the 7-11 with my Slushee."