Bulls

The Bulls will dress up as the Blackhawks and the Kings will dress up as the Los Angeles Kings, winners of the Stanley Cup. The two basketball teams will then go about and play a hockey game.

The Bulls front office, which appears to be resigned to awful basketball until Derrick Rose returns, has changed the team's mascot to Denny the Devil, to better represent the "Basketball Hell" fans will experience this year.

Bulls and White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf was seen yesterday afternoon at a local Cash For Gold store with three of the six Bulls NBA Championship trophies in tow. When he exited, the prized trophies from the 90's era were gone forever.

"He was kinda sad when we talked," said Bulls teammate Luol Deng. "But then he went into the other room for a few minutes and came back with a huge smile and a half-eaten bag of Funyuns. He also smelled like a skunk."

"Yes, we let Kirk go a few seasons ago because we felt he was past his prime and no longer an effective guard at the NBA level," said GM Gar Forman. "And that's exactly why we've re-signed him now."

When the Bulls announced earlier this month they were moving from their suburban headquarters and practice facility to a yet-to-be-identified downtown location in a few years, they made sure everyone associated with the team was informed, except Carlos Boozer.

Ever since the Bulls selected him straight out of high school in the 2001 NBA Draft, people have been heavily scrutinizing Eddy Curry. After nine years in the league, many were beginning to wonder if he would ever be able to win a championship. That all changed last week as the Miami Heat's 14th man/South Beached Whale excitedly cheered from the bench as LeBron James and Co. blew out the Oklahoma City Thunder to clinch the franchise's second title.