Blackhawks

The NRC took a huge blow this week as ESPN made the shocking announcement the NHL had officially passed rhino chasing to become the 143rd most popular sport in the nation. Speculation fueled the NRC rumor for months when one of the veteran rhinos from Team Boston took a hard fall against Team Los Angeles during an intense and grueling match in February.

Vancouver's high-scoring twins Henrik and Daniel Sedin powered the Canucks to the league's best record this season, but underneath it all, they're a pair of softies as evidenced by their recent appearance at a mall wearing matching sweaters their grandmother knitted them.

"I'm going to be puffin' on Hindu Kush, Maui Wowee, Panama Red and of course all the BC varieties, and it'll all be totally legal," said Hawks fan Don Jeffreys.

“My head was what you might call ‘salt and pepper’ back in October. But first there was that Colorado game, then all the injuries and those refs in Montreal! Ugh!” declared Hawks fan Donald Schwartz. “The last few strands went white during the Minnesota game. I don’t wanna look like Santa come June.”

In an apparent effort to erase the memory of his recent abysmal play and to reconnect with his childhood, Kane was found passed out in a McDonald’s Children PlayZone ball pit.

Not surprisingly, Wilt Chamberlain tops the list of sports personalities who have had the most success with groupies.

Judd Sirott’s career fast track hit a bump in the road recently when the nonstop talker’s application for an additional inning of Cubs play-by-play was rejected because, in the hiring manager’s opinion, Sirott must be “raving mad.”