Blackhawks

“It starts with the little things,” said the man of steel. “I need to work hard 100% of the time, just like Mr. Toews does. No more turning up the TV, pretending I didn’t hear that damsel in distress screaming on the train tracks as the locomotive approaches.”

“I’m not some kind of crazy coupon guy or anything,” said Sharp. “But that’s free food, man. I’ve got a kid now. I gotta think about these things. Can’t help but feel slightly disappointed in myself.”

2011 was quite an eventful year in the world of unbelievable sports news, but given The Heckler's list of top 10 posts during the year, it's pretty clear our audience cared mostly about ripping on people from Indiana, Jay Cutler and sex.

Armed with several converted t-shirt cannons and canteens full of extremely high-proof eggnog, the Blackhawks' rotating cast of fourth line stars has been let loose on the streets of Chicago to spread jolly-good cheer.

Since this year’s talented team nearly leads the league in goals scored, but is also in the running for most goals allowed, they have slightly altered the campaign to the lively, if less catchy, “Lots of Fun Goals for Everyone!”

"The other night we were out at a bar and she started going on and on about how Stalberg is her favorite player ever, which was new to me because I thought she resented Darrell for how much he loved hockey," said one friend of the couple."She said she met Stalberg at a fan fest Darrell dragged her to and found him really interesting."

News broke today that Theo Epstein outbid Patrick Sharp for a $3 million single family in Lakeview last month had Epstein scared stiff.