Blackhawks

Join a big group of crazy Hawks fans as we head to United Center to take on the Canucks on Friday, Dec. 20. Co-hosted with our friends at Joel Quenneville's Mustache. Space is running out so sign up today!

The Cubs and Sox tanked, Derrick Rose is out yet again, and the Bears are only a game above .500. Despite this mix of horror and mediocrity, Chicago fans should take solace this Thanksgiving…and be grateful for the good things.

“We stand for low, low rates on car insurance,” said company representative Ray Reed. “But one thing you can’t skimp on is clearing skaters out of the crease. It doesn’t take a caveman to know that. Remember them? The Geico cavemen? They briefly had a sitcom. Wow.”

“We’ve been draining every ounce of energy from this song for several years,” said Bowman. “Honestly, at this point it’s become way too humble. Seriously. We’ve got rings, plural. Girls. Whirlpools. The guys are popping out babies left and right. It’s time to rap about it.”

With every point the Hawks tally in the standings between now and game day, we're going to raise the price a dollar, which means the time to buy is now! Also, tickets will be filled in order of purchase (best seats go to the earlier purchasers) and quantities are extremely limited so get in on this right away.

“I like to use different colored markers to represent forwards, center and the defensemen,” said Quenneville. “I usually have a few of each color stashed here and there: in my suit coats, at the desk, in the sock drawer at home. But I can stop anytime. I only do it, you know, before games. Sometimes after.”

"The NHL says we have to have to announce Khabibulin as our starting goalie, but we will have a cardboard cutout of him in net," said coach Joel Quenneville. "Then when the game starts, the extra skater will pick up the cutout and throw it in our bench."