Bears

Emboldened by the increased exposure brought on by the 2011 NFL Lockout, Roger Goodell recently asserted that “Roger believes this labor impasse will soon be resolved,” becoming the first commissioner in league history to refer to himself in the third person.

Just days after announcing a new endorsement deal with Mike Vick, Nike has launched a controversial new print campaign tackling the football star's dog-fighting problems head on.

The NFL lockout has forced lifelong Bears fan Frank Colwyn to focus on his marriage instead of football or football-related activities.

With the NFL lockout on the verge of updating its status from rumor to reality, the owners have decided to test the theory that fans don’t pay to see the owners play by organizing professional kick the can leagues where the owners star as players.

The team decided to use their championship rings to spice up the fierce Bears-Packers rivalry.

"Sure, the weather may be crummy some days, but there's so much we can do inside," you wife said, nearly delusional with giddy. "Instead of the usual January tradition--following 16 NFL games, hoping a Fantasy team can make the playoffs--we can spend that entire day giving the kitchen a good, hard cleaning. I mean really attacking it."

Sundays without football will provide more time for other things, NFL fan and general idiot Mark Williams recently claimed.