Carimi seeks permission to convert Halas Hall weight room into studio apartment
“People said I should live in the weight room and here I am," said Carimi. "All I’m asking for is some living quarters."
Lovie Smith anxiously awaiting chance to join FOX’s NFL Pregame crew
"I think I'd be a great addition to the team," Smith morosely told reporters. "I mean, I can picture it now. Curt, Mike, Howie, Terry, Jimmy, and myself. All cracking jokes. Jokes about football. Oh, how they would laugh."
Bears fans concerned about Trestman’s lack of meatball appeal
"Dis Tress-man guy seems a little too Canadian for my liking," said Little Village resident Gus Plutowski. "I bet up there, they can't even hit guys no more. How is dis Tress-man going to keep dis team intense like Butkus used to play? And a law degree? My buddy Sal's a cop, he ain't so smart."
Bears hoping Trestman able to lure elusive CFL talent
"In addition to his vast knowledge of the game, we're hoping Marc can bring in some of that elusive CFL talent. For too many years, players have been reticent to venture below the border, but now, just maybe, we can attract guys like Henry Burris and Chris Leak back into the NFL fold."
Bears GM mixes up grocery list with coaching candidates, ends up interviewing head of...
“We just figured he was preparing lunch,” said Ted Phillips after seeing Emery escort a head of lettuce into Halas Hall. “But when I found out he was actually giving an interview, naturally I became a bit concerned."
Mike Tice revealed to be figment of Lovie Smith’s imagination
“The random timeouts, his inability to get plays out on the field, they all make sense now,” said QB Jay Cutler. “Coach Smith had to wait for his own personal Tyler Durden to saunter in and tell him what to do.”
Phil Emery shows competency, baffling Bears fans
"We've been spoiled by [past GM] Jerry Angelo, who was willing to waste draft picks by not getting them in on time, signed every injured offensive tackle available, and took Cedric Benson when we already had Thomas Jones," said lifelong fan Bob Dukowski.
