Bears

Play along as the Bears host the Cowboys and Jon Gruden is "so impressed" by all the "great football plays" that happen in a game with "major playoff implications."

As we honor Monday's national "Ditka Day" holiday, it seems only fitting to take a look at a list of careers Iron Mike also would have been awesome at had he not chosen to reward the mere mortals of Earth with his performance as one of the greatest tight ends, head coaches and celebrity pitchmen of all time.

The playing surface was custom-designed by the good people at WHAM-O, makers of The Original Backyard Water Slide. It runs from one end zone to the other, between the hash marks, and features a "totally tubular" waterfall.

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight career NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

In the wake of Seattle setting the Guinness Book of World Records for loudest stadium Monday night, Bears officials said fans in attendance for the game against Dallas could be doing some record setting of their own.

Despite having one of the most successful and versatile offenses in the NFL, Marc Trestman today has opened his bag of unorthodox tricks again by announcing that for the rest of the regular season, the Bears will be punting on first down.

Play along as the Bears visit the ugliest bubble on Earth one more time before the Vikings build a new stadium to befoul with their atrocious roster.