Bears

Shortly after throwing an interception in the waning minutes of Sunday's 22-16 loss to the New York Giants, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler was seen just outside the locker room, smashing the shoulder he injured in that final play in the hopes of being forced out of the lineup with a season-ending injury.

Fans have also been floating around one-liners about Freeman just taking the drugs to get out of playing for this awful team a few weeks. Some have even suggested coach John Fox should take some PED’s as well, either to improve his coaching or so he too can enjoy a break from the team.

As the Chicago Bears endure another tough season and the Cubs celebrate a historic one, we’ve decided it’s time to look back. To the future, you say? No, weirdo. To the colorful past and all the Chicago athletes who have graced our fields of play, from the great to the merely memorable.

"This has the possibility of being the first TV event with negative ratings, meaning more players at the game will be watching fans than fans at home watching the game," said a Nielsen spokesperson.

"I thought we were bad. Then I saw some of the Bears-Bucs highlights, and I thought, maybe 0-16 isn't so terrible after all," he said. "At least the Browns know they're not a good team. It's like, hey, we get it. We suck. But Chicago actually went into Tampa Bay confident? And then laid that turd? Wow. Talk about embarrassing."

"I don't really follow the sport or the league much, but as far as I know Chicago doesn't have a second team," said Chairman George McCaskey. "So, from that standpoint, we could go 2-14 this season, and we'd still technically be the best team in the league based in Chicago."

"Are we tanking the season? Of course not. I mean that would almost make too much sense," he said. "What we want to do is win a couple meaningless games here in the middle and end of the year. That way, we can have our choice of the 2nd or 3rd QB or RB...or a guard."