Bears

Following a recent dispatch of more troops to the Mideast, President Bush is once again attempting to correct a previous wrong. The Commander in Chief has told the Bears they must lose this Sunday and give the people of New Orleans and their Saints a trip to Super Bowl XLI.

After his bold predictions of a ferocious winter storm failed to come true during a thrilling Bears overtime playoff win, WGN Chief Meteorologist Tom Skilling announced he was going to exile himself to Barrow, Alaska, the northern most city in the United States.

Bears fans have clamored for a replacement to dejected quarterback Rex Grossman for months. Yet head coach Lovie Smith refused to make a change, sticking by his young outcast, insisting the quarterback would eventually turn it around and play like someone fans didn't even recognize.

The ghost of Steve Smith has been slayed. The Carolina Panthers receiver who toasted the Bears during last season's playoff loss for something like 500 yards and 17 TDs has haunted Bears players, coaches and fans for a year. In what has been lining up as a season that could make all forget the struggles of old, Robbie Gould's game winning overtime field goal stuck the final dagger into the heart of the postseason phantom.

In hopes of keeping his quarterback's psyche shielded from the boatloads of negative media attention he has received, Bears head coach Lovie Smith has ordered Rex Grossman to be kept in a Halas Hall broom closet.

Finding a loophole in the college football eligibility rules, Bears QB Rex Grossman figured he would give his alma mater Florida Gators a boost by offering to play in tonight's National Championship game versus the Ohio State Buckeyes. His bid, however, was turned down by Florida head coach Urban Meyer.

Contract negotiations between Lance Briggs and the Bears broke down this week as they continue to work on terms of a long-term contract. While the two sides have agreed in principle on the signing bonus, salary and contract length, one roadblock remains: women.