Philadelphia

"I know I've done some bad things to dogs in the past," Vick said. "But I just can't get enough of the little guy's unconditional love. Whenever I fill up my plate for dinner, he gets under my legs and I trip and fumble my food and he gobbles it right up."

After a putrid loss against the Milwaukee Brewers in which they only collected two hits, the New York Mets forgot to show up for their regularly-scheduled home game against the Phillies on Monday night, citing that "we thought the season ended already."

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

"I realize what a mistake it was to kill all those people," Champ barked. "But c'mon, that was like five years ago! I'm a totally different dog now and I want my pups to experience the joy of having a human owner. Just because I made a small mistake by viciously abusing and murdering some humans, doesn't mean my puppies should pay the price."

Despite Dominican papers saying otherwise, a paternity test taken in April by Pedro Martinez revealed that the New York Yankees are indeed his daddy.

Keeping with his firm belief in “old school” baseball, Cole Hamels reportedly threw a 92 MPH fastball directly into his eight-year-old son’s buttocks during the duo’s first ever father-son baseball game.

As the Bulls' once-promising season continues to unravel, psychology professors from Northwestern University released shocking early results from an overnight study that revealed not one Chicagoan apparently remembers Tuesday night's 109-92 thrashing at the hands of the very mediocre 76ers in Game 2 of the first-round of the playoffs.