Eagles

"I know I've done some bad things to dogs in the past," Vick said. "But I just can't get enough of the little guy's unconditional love. Whenever I fill up my plate for dinner, he gets under my legs and I trip and fumble my food and he gobbles it right up."

"I realize what a mistake it was to kill all those people," Champ barked. "But c'mon, that was like five years ago! I'm a totally different dog now and I want my pups to experience the joy of having a human owner. Just because I made a small mistake by viciously abusing and murdering some humans, doesn't mean my puppies should pay the price."

"Is this how it feels when you don't get sacked nine times in a game?" asked Cutler moments after the Bears finished off a 30-24 Monday Night Football win over the Eagles. "I'm walking without a pronounced limp and none of my extremities are tingling. I could get used to this."

After a seemingly endless bye week, the Bears return to the field Monday night in Philly against the hated Eagles. Follow all the fun and nonsense along with our Bingo board. Let us know when you win and we might just have a prize for you.

"Do I really have to explain?" asked Vick when a reporter pushed him to express how he was feeling after the loss. "Do I really have to explain how I'm feeling, sitting here at one and three? Good sir, I would prefer to not answer that question and instead have you rot in hell."

“It’s not because Michael doesn’t deserve it, and we understand that trash talk is part of our game,” Goodell said. “Every Vick dog pun has been said, so save yourself the embarrassment. And stop with the damn Rex Ryan foot-fetish jokes too while you’re at it.”

After receiving the second $100 million contract of his career, Philadelphia Eagles QB Michael Vick celebrated by spending a night on the town, where he attending an especially atrocious display of cockfighting in the back room of a Philadelphia warehouse.