East

"When the Browns hired me, a baseball executive from the moneyball movement who was the general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers during their second worst season since 1958, to oversea the overhaul of the Cleveland Browns as their Chief Strategy Officer, answerable only to the team president, I knew that they were willing to get their team on track."

It's Chicago against New York. Edder Vedder vs. 50 Cent. Deep dish pizza vs. cardboard covered in tomato sauce.

"Why would I be shocked?" said long-time season ticket holder Anthony Scapaldi."He wouldn't pass to Stoudemire, Hardaway or Lin either."

“I was beside myself when I learned I would be hearing the appeal,” Judge Berman remarked. “And, when I say ‘beside myself,’ I mean that person beside me will have a tough task of either agreeing with his original decision or the person he just ruled against. It’s hard to say which way it will go.”

Despite the hard line approach to punishment taken by the NFL, Brady released a statement assuring his fans as well as his detractors, that, "Although I may not be able to play the game I love for four weeks, I assure you that my life is still way better than yours."

"The call came and I was surprised, but when you're an actor you have to be ready for any role," stated Cooper. "It's unfortunate about Tom's suspension, but this is the role of a lifetime. I get to step in for the Super Bowl MVP. It's a bonus this happened now as I get to have a full off-season and training camp with the first team. I'll have my lines down for Pittsburgh."

The man many thought to be above the law was deemed in clear violation of the one rule you just can’t break on a party bus, and that’s lowering the PSI in the kegerator, thus upping the foam count to unacceptable levels, right before the big Friday night kegger with Beta House at the University of Delaware.