East

“It’s more likely that Aramis Ramirez will steal 10 bases this year,” said ESPN Radio’s Mike Golic. “I also think we could see Reed Johnson win the MVP award or Soriano hustle out a grounder before the Cubs and Red Sox square off for a title.”

“People say it eats left fielders alive,” said Soriano, still clutching the teddy bear he sleeps with each night. “Even Senior Tickles can’t protect me from the ‘Monstruo Verde.’ It’s a good thing I sleep with my helmet on or he would have eaten my cabeza.”

Baby-faced outfielder Tony Campana scored a go-ahead run and later doubled in his first big-league at-bat Tuesday night to drive in what should have been an insurance run against the Reds. Instead, the Cubs blew the lead and the game in spectacular fashion, prompting the rookie to immediately demand a trade.

Although the Mets lost $10 million in 2009, $50 million in 2010, and will lose at least $50 million this year, their principal owner Fred Wilpon can’t figure out why his cold calls to people whose names appear on Mets fan Bernie Madoff’s list of investors aren’t yielding positive results.

The NRC took a huge blow this week as ESPN made the shocking announcement the NHL had officially passed rhino chasing to become the 143rd most popular sport in the nation. Speculation fueled the NRC rumor for months when one of the veteran rhinos from Team Boston took a hard fall against Team Los Angeles during an intense and grueling match in February.

“We don’t care if the fans are behind us or not,” said DH David Ortiz. “If we suck that bad, we won’t even need Boston fans following because all the Yankee fans will start pulling for us to lose. So it’s a win-win situation no matter how bad it gets.”

EA Sports announced Madden ’12 will include concussions. Here are the top 10 other new features.