East

The Jets’ Antonio Cromartie is one of the most electric cornerbacks in the NFL. He’s also the league’s most fertile man. In an effort to remain close to his children, Cromartie announced a plan to buy a Pop Warner team for them to play on together.

Patriots wide receiver Chad Ochocinco announced this week that he has officially changed his name to Chad Wickedpissah in honor of his newfound New England fans.

Now that Mariano Rivera is the all-time MLB saves leader, many young New York fans are singing his praises and declaring him the greatest Yankee to ever live.

After the Jets' drubbed Jacksonville 32-3 at MetLife Stadium Sunday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced the Jaguars would be demoted to the United Football League due to their horrendous play and terrible uniforms.

“Every night, I see hundreds of ‘Resign Jose Reyes’ signs, ‘Please Resign Jose,'” said a distraught Reyes. “I play this game with pride, and if the fans don’t want me, I don’t want to stay here and make them angry.”

“Don’t you get it? You’re a human being. You appreciate pizza by processing it in your intestines,” he said. “The fact that you’re so in awe of it … makes me think you don’t understand food at all.”

According to court documents, Burnett is not to be within 300 feet of Girardi at any time so not only will Burnett be left off the roster, he will not even be allowed in the dugout. The Yankees have given him the option to sit in the bullpen or purchase a luxury box at his own expense if he wishes to watch his teammates play for the title in person.