East

Add Lucas Duda, Angel Pagan and Domenik Hixon to the ever-growing list of injured Mets and Giants players, as the two New York teams battle it out for the title of the city’s most disabled franchise.

Thanks to the NFL Commissioner's prowess with lie detectors, the league sidestepped a possible showdown with the Player’s Union regarding a rule that, on its face, seemed unenforceable.

"Simpson's career might be up in smoke and I just wish he would have thought of all his fantasy owners before making such a stupid decision," wrote Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay.

“We can’t wait to have him in the lineup,” Boston manager Terry Francona beamed. “We will preheat the oven at 350 an hour before the Yankee series. He should be warmed up and ready to go in no time. He doesn’t need batting practice. He’s Ted Williams!”

After working a recent Mets game in ESPN booth earlier this month Bobby Valentine snuck his way into New York's clubhouse where he managed to work for three games until his ruse was discovered. He disguised himself as Ryota Igarashi’s translator, and due to his perfect grasp of the Japanese language, almost got away with it.

Mets GM Sandy Alderson proudly announced in a press conference Thursday that in order to save money for the cash-starved franchise, players will have to cover their own expenses next season including equipment, uniforms, travel, lodging and meals.

Even though the Yankees clinched the AL East over Red Sox earlier this week, Boston GM Theo Epstein has clinched the Stud GM title over Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “I get laid a lot,” Epstein recently boasted. “Way more than that putz Cashman.”