East

The NBA lockout may keep the Knicks from making player moves, but that didn't stop them from cutting a familiar face loose on Thursday when it was announced Spike Lee would not have his season tickets renewed.

Following Palmer's trade to the Raiders, fantasy owners everywhere scurried to either add him to an already mediocre stable of quarterbacks or to persuade league competitors that Palmer is a much more lucrative pickup than a middling running back, up and coming wide receiver, or second kicker.

“You can’t teach size,” said GM Mike Tannenbaum of the 323-pound Mangold. “She’s bigger than Nicky, and he’s a Pro Bowler, why not keep it in the family?”

“John almost made it to the other end of the ice without falling,” Hawks coach Joel Quenneville said. “If he had picked a fight with [Shawn] Thornton at center ice, he would have regained his balance like he usually does and made it all the way.”

"After running [manager Terry] Francona and Theo out of town, we need a new scapegoat for future failures of the franchise," said Henry. "We all know it can't be me, because I just write the checks and take in the glory when we when. Someone's got to take the blame when we lose."

While the Cubs chairman has scored low on the baseball IQ chart since taking over the team, Tom Ricketts is starting to show some savvy after scoring Theo Epstein to replace Jim Hendry as GM. Unfortunately, Ricketts attempts to pawn off both Carlos Zambrano and Alfonso Soriano to Boston have not been met with exuberance.

"We at the Crayola Company are very excited to introduce another color into our crayon family while honoring our close friend Tom Coughlin, the perpetually angry head coach of the New York Giants," said Spencer Helfman, Crayola's CEO.