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The Jets are being rocked by another scandal as it's been discovered famous fan "Fireman Ed" Anzalone is not a New York City firefighter as he has long purported. Anzalone is actually a Connecticut-based plumber, devastating news to Jets fans across the country for whom Fireman Ed has been a symbol for more than 20 years.

In the first of many moves to come in his new role with the Cubs, Theo Epstein today traded the inexplicably popular old-timer G. Heileman to the Red Sox for the highly rated Samuel Adams.

As part of the deal, the much-heralded executive included a clause that the Cubs would send shortstop Starlin Castro to the Red Sox and be on the hook for Epstein’s 2012 salary as well as cash compensation for the deal, which would be paid to him.

A day after requesting that prosecutors pay his attorney fees associated with his recent mistrial, disgraced former pitcher Roger Clemens is now demanding that authorities also replace the cache of steroids he flushed down his toilet in case there were raids on his home.

In a shocking move sure to have impact throughout the league, the Raiders have decided to shore up their offense by adding Rex Grossman, the former Bears, Texans and now Redskins QB, to their lineup in exchange for their first-round draft picks from 2014-2017.

Celebrations rang through Libya Thursday when the evil tyrant Mohammar Qaddafi was finally brought to justice by a man in a Yankee cap, and the Yankees are claiming that it was no coincidence.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Mrs. Perry sobbed. “Theo was all I had. Boston’s most eligible bachelor is gone, and my dreams are gone with him!”