East

In what seemed to be inevitable, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes signed a six-year, $102 million contract with the Miami Marlins. Mets' GM Sandy Alderson came clean late Sunday night, admitting he completely forgot free agent signing season had begun.

On Thursday the NHL released the shocking results of an internal investigation of the Islanders and their dismal play this season that revealed the Islanders aren't an actual team, but a piece of paper with fake names of supposed Islanders' players. The names are rather amalgamations of famous movie characters such as goalies Happy Dufresne and Forrest Potter.

"Watching my kids grow up, having dinner every night with my beautiful wife ... at the end of the day, just really underwhelming," said the new Ohio State coach, who left Florida abruptly after the 2009 season.

The agreement to end the NBA lockout has restored thousands of jobs, but one budding business has seen its sales take a dive since the announcement.

“I was kicking back with a few cold ones and one of my pies just after the season ended, and I noticed one of Mo’s bobbleheads on the counter," he said. "I set it in motion, and it moved so fluidly -- just like Mo’s delivery -- and the gears started turning.”

In a press conference announcing the hiring of Bobby Valentine as the new Red Sox manager Wednesday, GM Ben Cherington revealed the true reason the club decided to bring on the veteran skipper.

“This late start to the season has me stressing and pressing about my dressing,” the legendary Knicks announcer said. “I have a prodigious closet with 100 new suits made from only the finest fabulous fabrics, and the fans are going to see them all.”