East

Only two days after news broke that Brewers’ star Ryan Braun tested positive for elevated levels of synthetic testosterone, another bombshell rocked the baseball world when Mets cornerstone David Wright tested positive for heightened levels of estrogen.

“That was all me, Elisha Nelson Manning, No. 10 in your scorecard and No. 1 in your hearts, no divine intervention here,” screamed the Giants QB as he ran on the field to celebrate with his teammates. “Blasphemy be damned. Come at me bro!”

"I know we have the reputation of being a loser, but have you looked at Cleveland's roster?" said Generals coach and owner Red Klotz. "They won 19 games last year. And don't get me started on teams like the T'Wolves, Bucks, Pacers, Raptors, Warriors, Kings, Bobcats and Wizards. Our ball boys could give some of these shitty teams a run for their money."

“I had spoken to Joe [Girardi] about my gunning the ball back to the pitcher and letting him relay to second on steal attempts – kind of a two-one-four putout – but he wasn’t crazy about the idea,” Posada said.

"Eddy Curry may be the Eddy Curry of basketball, but he's the Michael Jordan of over-eating," one excitable restauranteur told reporters. "I can't wait for the payday that'll be coming my way the night that he decides to eat at my restaurant."

In shocking news coming from the MLB Winter Meetings in Dallas, Mets shortstop Jose Reyes suffered yet another injury, this time while signing a contract with the Miami Marlins.

“John. Lucas. The Third,” replied Dolan when asked who his top choice was to add to the Knicks’ roster. “Did you see this guy at Rucker Park? Well I didn’t because I’m afraid to go there, but I saw it on YouTube. He dominated Kevin Durant!”