East

On Wednesday the Nationals named Stephen Strasburg their Opening Day starter to take on the Cubs, who graciously offered to use up only nine of 160 innings the Tommy John recipient will be limited to this season.

Out with the old and in with the new. The Jets acquired Tim Tebow for draft picks Wednesday, but that was not their only big announcement -- Fireman Ed has been relieved of his duties as crowd cheerleader and will be replaced by “Monsignor Joe” next season.

Just one day removed from wiping their hands clean of the Bernie Madoff scandal, Fred and Jeff Wilpon have found themselves in a new mess. In an interview with “Entertainment Weekly,” Hollywood mega-director, Michael Bay revealed that the cash strapped Mets’ owners approached him for advice on potentially injuring their left fielder, Jason Bay.

“It’s not really a big deal,” said Stalberg. “It’s not like I’m going to re-name the team or move them out to Sweden so I can practice against them in my backyard. Although now that I’ve said that out-loud, it does sound pretty sweet.”

Congrats to Vin C.. who won top prize in our monthly $100 giveaway for The Heckler's most popular post of February. His "J..R. Smith’s new haircut is a secret jab at LeBron’s hairline" article and image was hands-down our most popular piece of the month.

Reportedly, the murder was arranged by Nets' Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov who presumably used his contacts in the Russian mafia to have Stern "taken out" for not forcing Otis Smith and the Magic to trade Dwight Howard to New Jersey by the trade deadline last week.

Why would the Nets trade a first-round pick to the Blazers for Gerald Wallace? The answer boils down to a risky marketing campaign. That is because the deal is contingent on Gerald changing his first name to “Christopher” in memory of the late Notorious B.I.G.