Canucks to give away bobbleheads of Luongo sitting on the bench
"Even if Luongo starts a game, he usually gives up a flurry of goals and gets pulled anyway so we felt the fans deserved an accurate portrayal of our inconsistent goalie," said Trent Carroll, EVP of Sales & Marketing for the Canucks.
Mets sign The Ghost of Manny Ramirez to bolster 2013 outfield
"I think The Ghost of Manny can be a really great addition to our squad this year," said Alderson. "We knew we needed a fresh body to man the outfield, and when we called the The Ghost's agent up in Heaven, we got an excited response from an apparition who sounded enthused to join the Mets."
Yankees unveil souvenir arm and leg casts ahead of injury-plagued season
"These are the same casts that 10 or 15 Yankees will probably have to wear this season," said Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "For the low price of $34.99, you can experience 2013 just like a player on the field."
Dusty Baker given second chance to end Mark Prior’s career
"I can't believe I'm finally getting a chance to finish the job!" exclaimed Baker. "Dude, forget the minors. [Mark] is going straight to the mound on opening day and then right back to the DL after that. I'm putting him on a strict 200-pitch minimum."
Ray Lewis thinks he should replace Pope Benedict
"This job was meant for me! Praise be to God!" said an elated Lewis. "I'm not even Catholic ... Hallowed be thy name! But I'm sure that the Cardinals will overlook any sketchy situations I've been in over the course of my life. Hallelujah! God is good! God. God. Jesus. God. God!"
Alex Smith spotted with Colin Kaepernick voodoo doll
“I was only trying to get my souvenir shopping done and out of the way early,” claims the former starting QB.
Cubs sign Travis Hafner to 10-year, $125 million contract
The Cubs surprised the sports world today, signing 35-year-old DH Travis Hafner to a 10-year, $125 million contract. The oft-injured former Cleveland Indian hasn't played more than 150 games in a season since 2007, but team president Theo Epstein said he finally couldn't resist the urge to frivolously spend his club's money on an aging veteran who does nothing to improve the team.
