East

“Not since the hair-pulling match between Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler has there been this much interest,” producer Simon Cowell told interviewer Piers Morgan.

A friendly visit to the locker room by Red Sox first baseman and lifelong pariah Bill Buckner nearly backfired on Corey Crawford and the Blackhawks during a wild Game 4 victory in the Stanley Cup Final.

In a statement issued by the team, Kraft said, “Mr. Putin recently tweeted about how happy he is that Tebow is now a member of the Patriots. So I asked Tim if he wouldn’t mind signing for the President so I can get my ring back.”

"I want Harvey and Wheeler to gain major league experience without being injured while we remain noncompetitive," Collins said. "Their respective starts will be on this upcoming Tuesday and Wednesday and again in late September."

"I was still drunk four hours after I got to work on Thursday," said Hawks fan Tom Benson, referring to the day after the three-overtime Game 1 that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. "Plus now I can check out the first period before work on Monday, then see the game-winning goal when I get home."

"We admit it -- the last name was just 'not right' as so many people have claimed," said Snyder. "Is the team from Seattle or something? Washington simply wasn't clear enough."

Duncan Keith, who leads both teams in ice time with a record-setting eleven hours, forty three minutes, and fifteen seconds, told reporters shortly before leaving the locker room, "Please, no more. Make it stop. Make it all stop. Someone. Please."