East

"It's a pattern. Trust me," said a peeved Brady. "Do you know how many times he's checked out Giselle [Bundchen]? He's always asking me if she's coming to practice, the games. It's beyond uncomfortable. Frankly I'm sick of it. So no, him checking out Chrissy is not surprising. He probably used his famous line about wanting to see one of my Super Bowl rings that's in my hotel room."

“We knew going in that this was our ace in the hole,” Sultan told reporters. “Nobody—judge, jury, or executioner—can deny that skills this nasty belong on a football field, not locked in a cell."

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez issued a hand-written apology to Yankee fans, the Steinbrenner family and his teammates for having dated plastic surgery-ridden, post-menopausal pop star Madonna.

"We live in a dynamic media world comprised of digital and traditional channels," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. "If NBC is going to charge $4.5 million per Super Bowl commercial while everybody in America is busy playing on Facebook, we feel it's time to monetize what the big blue thumb brings to the big game."

"He's only broken curfew twice," said head coach Bill Belichick. "And both times he made it back to the hotel before sunrise, which is pretty unusual for him. Sure, he showed up wearing nothing but a pink tube top and argyle socks, but other than that, it's clear he wants to be a champion."

"Bill will not be allowed to participate in any aspect of the 5-hour program. No interviews. No canned speeches in the locker room. Nothing," said commissioner Roger Goodell. "With this punishment, we can finally put the whole scandal behind us and remind people this is a game filled with integrity, presented by Mercedes and Bud Light."

It's not just the biggest sporting event of 2015. Super Bowl XLIX is also the most important advertising day of the year, when the world's most noteworthy brands unveil their best commercials. Thanks to this handy bingo board, you can play (or drink) along as the ads are unveiled.