New York State

“With Lockout Edition, you generate points on what a player does off the field, instead of on it,” said an ESPN.com representative. “Points will be awarded based on players who get charged with a DUI, murder, rape, possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance, animal cruelty, and so on.”

“I was worried some of the players weren’t going to show up this year because of all the talk about them being cash-strapped,” said Wilf. “But it turns out their giant signing bonuses and outrageous salaries were enough to keep them owning yachts despite this short work stoppage.”

Although the Mets lost $10 million in 2009, $50 million in 2010, and will lose at least $50 million this year, their principal owner Fred Wilpon can’t figure out why his cold calls to people whose names appear on Mets fan Bernie Madoff’s list of investors aren’t yielding positive results.

EA Sports announced Madden ’12 will include concussions. Here are the top 10 other new features.

Yanks shortstop Derek Jeter demonstrated a loss of range to his left last year. Now, he might be moved to center field if Yankee Stadium’s fence is shortened to 200 feet, GM Brian Cashman said after watching a few Spring Training games in Tampa.

“If anyone asks where my four championship rings are, I’ll just say they were lost in a fire," the Cubs hurler mused.

While Cubs fans huddled in the cold for their annual late-winter ticket-buying spree, they were greeted by a familiar, yet unexpected face.