New York State

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

"What you're looking at is a live feed of Tim Tebow's visage on the surface of Mars," said ESPN football analyst Adam Schefter. "Wow. This is definitely going to create a QB controversy here in the Milky Way ... and also at Jets camp."

“We find it best to just let him think what he wants to think,” said an anonymous employee of Dolan’s. “It’s like his ears have a Knicks filter. Everything is about the Knicks. Eventually he’ll realize this was a hockey move, but for now, we’ll let him be.”

“It’s a cult, simply put,” said Jack Zduriencik, Mariners’ Executive Vice President and GM. “He’s been there a few days and they’re already pumping that aura and mystique [expletive] into his brain.”

"When he approached me I was already infuriated to the point of sweating, which really isn't that big of a deal for me because I sweat when I sleep," Sabathia said. "But the guy kept asking me where Ronald was, so I told him who I was. He said his kid wanted a Grimace autograph more than a CC Sabathia autograph, so I told him off."

With “Linsanity” cured in the tri-state area, the Knicks have turned their marketing attention to a new point guard duo.

Hours after getting drunk and signing with the Knicks, Jason Kidd sobered up long enough to remember he had signed with the Knicks, then drank away his sorrows. Kidd capped off the self-proclaimed "worst day of my life" by getting behind the wheel of his Escalade and crashing it into a tree.