New York State

The Chipper Jones retirement tour rolls into Citi Field this week, and the Mets plan to honor the future Hall of Famer with his biggest gift yet: partial ownership in the Mets franchise.

"Truthfully, I'm stunned right now and can't believe what my eyes are watching when Matt starts games for us," GM Sandy Alderson said after Wednesday's win over Philly.

A day after the Los Angeles Dodgers pulled off a megadeal with the Boston Red Sox, the New York Yankees slapped them with a $400 million lawsuit, claiming the club stole its patented strategy for success.

The company will now offer free stock in the New York Mets with the purchase of a large soda at retail price. McDonald's also said that it had at one point considered just placing stock on the Dollar Menu, but $1 per share was deemed to be far too expensive for part ownership in the Mets.

A month-long investigation by the NYPD into the mysterious ineptness of the New York Mets to win games since the All-Star break has finally come up fruitful as manager Terry Collins, general manager Sandy Alderson, and numerous members of the Mets' bullpen have been indicted for taking bribes to have the team lose nearly every game they play.

Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.

“I wouldn’t even have noticed him because it was business as usual,” said season-ticket holder Roy Hiller. “I was just watching Tebow overshoot his intended target by about seven feet, and then I hear a loud audible ‘Aww, c’mon!!!’ coming from the bushes. That’s when I saw Brett.”