Yankees

“Once again, ESPN has broken new ground in sports programming,” said a network spokesperson. “The interest in these two teams is overwhelming among the only demographic that counts, the northeast United States.”

"These are the same casts that 10 or 15 Yankees will probably have to wear this season," said Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "For the low price of $34.99, you can experience 2013 just like a player on the field."

The Cubs surprised the sports world today, signing 35-year-old DH Travis Hafner to a 10-year, $125 million contract. The oft-injured former Cleveland Indian hasn't played more than 150 games in a season since 2007, but team president Theo Epstein said he finally couldn't resist the urge to frivolously spend his club's money on an aging veteran who does nothing to improve the team.

A-Rod paid an undisclosed sum to "Ralph Salvatore's Skywriters" for them to spell out, through the exhaust of their planes, his phone number along with the message, "A-Rods Digits, 4 Real, Hit Me Up Ladys!"

The move was made shortly after Major League Baseball moved game 4 of the ALCS to Thursday because of rain without a single drop of rain falling on Comerica Park.

After striking out in seven consecutive at-bats during the playoffs this year, Alex Rodriguez caused controversy in New York when he decided to sublet his contract with the Yankees to minor leaguers.

A day after the Los Angeles Dodgers pulled off a megadeal with the Boston Red Sox, the New York Yankees slapped them with a $400 million lawsuit, claiming the club stole its patented strategy for success.