Yankees

“I think what’s best for everybody in this situation is if the owners keep all of the money and the players play for free,” said Yankees’ owner Hal Steinbrenner. “We want baseball to be played this year. The players want that, the fans want that and we want that. We are willing to do whatever it takes as long as it doesn’t involve making less money.”

We've all heard stories of freak accidents involving routine activities, but Yankees slugger Giancarlo Stanton is still shaking his head in disbelief.

At this point it is no secret that Joe Buck has accepted $1 million to commentate live porn webcams. It didn’t take long for fans to once again give Buck a hard time.

“If you can’t trust the President to provide Americans with sound, honest, fact-based advice, who can you trust? Plus, we need to do our part to juice the economy,” said Manfred. “Churches are going to be packed on Easter Sunday morning, and we’re going to pack Yankee Stadium with 60,000 screaming fans later that afternoon. It’s going to be great.”

We’ve done some highly detailed and deep research dives into what that annual salary is worth more than.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez issued a hand-written apology to Yankee fans, the Steinbrenner family and his teammates for having dated plastic surgery-ridden, post-menopausal pop star Madonna.

Justin Verlander has arranged something that is likely to trump what any other team has given Jeter: swimsuit super model Kate Upton.