New York

When it was announced the bestselling book “Moneyball” would be adapted into a major motion picture, Mets front office staffer Paul DePodesta was beside himself with excitement until he learned a heavyset actor was playing his role.

Earlier this week, it was reported the Mets were looking to trade off their entire roster, but with the team now thrust into a playoff race, those plans have been tossed out of the window.

Jorge Posada is responsible for over $20,000 worth of damage to the Yankees clubhouse Tuesday after a spat with manager Joe Girardi fueled by the insecure DH's misinformed eavesdropping.

The Indians sent top Triple-A prospect Peter Minuit to the Yankees yesterday in exchange for $24 of beads, pelts and “clay pots to be named later.”

“Hochuli has an encyclopedic knowledge of the NFL rules, seems to have a good relationship with the league’s officiating crews, and scored a 49 on the Wunderlic test,” said head coach Rex Ryan.

While both sides are willing to make some concessions to end its lockout, neither side is budging on Mets shortstop Jose Reyes. The Republicans want to trade him to the highest bidder, like the Boston Red Sox, Manchester United or Exxon Mobil. But Democrat Nancy Pelosi insists that Reyes and Stanford senior Andrew Luck are untradeable because “we cannot mortgage the future to fund our excesses of today.”

Of all the Mets on the block, Carlos Beltran and Jonathan Niese seem to be the only ones drawing major interest, but Alderson insists he’ll do all in his power to move “the other guys.”