New York

“We find it best to just let him think what he wants to think,” said an anonymous employee of Dolan’s. “It’s like his ears have a Knicks filter. Everything is about the Knicks. Eventually he’ll realize this was a hockey move, but for now, we’ll let him be.”

“It’s a cult, simply put,” said Jack Zduriencik, Mariners’ Executive Vice President and GM. “He’s been there a few days and they’re already pumping that aura and mystique [expletive] into his brain.”

"When he approached me I was already infuriated to the point of sweating, which really isn't that big of a deal for me because I sweat when I sleep," Sabathia said. "But the guy kept asking me where Ronald was, so I told him who I was. He said his kid wanted a Grimace autograph more than a CC Sabathia autograph, so I told him off."

With “Linsanity” cured in the tri-state area, the Knicks have turned their marketing attention to a new point guard duo.

Hours after getting drunk and signing with the Knicks, Jason Kidd sobered up long enough to remember he had signed with the Knicks, then drank away his sorrows. Kidd capped off the self-proclaimed "worst day of my life" by getting behind the wheel of his Escalade and crashing it into a tree.

Despite Dominican papers saying otherwise, a paternity test taken in April by Pedro Martinez revealed that the New York Yankees are indeed his daddy.

The Coors Brewing Company recently inked the Yankees slugger to a five-commercial deal in which he will don the famous “bitter beer face.”