NY Giants

With the NFL lockout on the verge of updating its status from rumor to reality, the owners have decided to test the theory that fans don’t pay to see the owners play by organizing professional kick the can leagues where the owners star as players.

“With the support of Jesus, the fans, and my family, I’ve learned the error of my ways,” Burress said. “I am a changed man. The next time I go into a nightclub with a bunch of strippers and hoodlums, I will have a trigger lock on my unregistered firearm."

“With Lockout Edition, you generate points on what a player does off the field, instead of on it,” said an ESPN.com representative. “Points will be awarded based on players who get charged with a DUI, murder, rape, possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance, animal cruelty, and so on.”

“I was worried some of the players weren’t going to show up this year because of all the talk about them being cash-strapped,” said Wilf. “But it turns out their giant signing bonuses and outrageous salaries were enough to keep them owning yachts despite this short work stoppage.”

New England Patriots 21 San Diego Chargers 12

The main reason the Packers will advance to Super Bowl XLII is simply because their opponent is the New York Giants. These are the same Giants who made the NFC playoffs only by Wild Card qualification with a 10-6 record. The same Giants who enter the game after already playing back-to-back road playoff games. The same Giants who have Eli Manning at quarterback.

Ho-hum, the Patriots win again. Tom Brady was nearly perfect, completing 26-28 passes with three TDs. In his career, Brady has a 13-2 postseason record.